Archive for March, 2016


So it has been more then two years since the last time we saw each other and we didn’t part on the best of terms but deep down, I never thought that our not speaking would last this long.  In the last 23 years, when you were on vacation was the longest stretch of time and that was only because I was living halfway across the continent in St. Louis.  So much has happened in the interval, so many times that I wished that I could talk to you about it.  I mean over those years you and I have shared so much and you have been such an integral part of my life.

Cassidy died a few years ago and Jerre isn’t doing so well and I was sure she was going to go last weekend.  She could have gone already for all I know.  I have friends but none that I will ever be as close to as I am you.  We have stood by each other through the good, the bad and the ugly in the past and this time things got all fucked up and emotions and hurt feelings led to anger and suddenly I hear Yoda….

Kethry asked about you on her birthday when we went to incredible John’s Pizza and for the rest of the night, my mind was trying to find a plan, a way to get to run in to you so we could talk.  I figured once time had passed we would be able to work things out.  I had such hope and excitement when I saw your truck parked in the driveway, because it created the opportunity only to have it dissipate as I missed you by like a half an hour.

See, I can’t help myself, I see something funny, read something interesting or watch something on tv and it reminds me of a conversation that we had in the past and suddenly I want to talk to you.  Then, as the reality of how lonely I feel without my best friend and I wonder if you feel the same way, if or how often you wish we were still that close and still best friends.  See, regardless of what transpired that night, I know that I have always been a good friend to you and my presence there was continuing that task.

When your truck appeared Rachel said you were moving somewhere in Nevada and when your truck disappeared, I assume you came and have now left California?  I would love to hear from you sometime.  My number is the same and while I know your number hasn’t changed, I texted you once and never got a response, when you returned my stuff.  I guess the lack of any reply or any kind of response should tell me all that I need to know, it definitely speaks volumes that you left your truck at Rachel’s and didn’t contact me at all.

I can’t and won’t change who I am, so I will continue to have random moments when I wish I could talk to you, I realize that’s love and that the silence is your choice and not mine.  Maybe one day while we are both living, something will bring us together.  Until then, I will just avoid the full moon 🌙 which always awakens the lunacy.

Happy F—king Birthday

I just turned 47 and my age doesn’t really bother me and I rarely thing about it unless someone asks or says something that makes me feel old.  I also don’t usually get excited about my birthday and really haven’t since my Grandmother died right before I turned 21.  I didn’t go out drinking the night I turned 21 because I had to work, my after work celebration consisted of the bar tender at the trendy restaurant in Dublin, Ohio called Doodles made me a cocktail after closing and cleanup had been completed.  Thus ushered in the era of legal drinking.  Afterwards, I was like, I waited all this time for this?  Being an adult sucks.

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The only bright spot in this years otherwise abysmal birthday came from Rachel and Kethry and Haplo.  Rachel with her trinkets gathered off the bargain rack at Target and Kethry because it is her birthday too.  So I get to become a child again for that moment and celebrate with her.  This year was incredibly hard because money was even tighter then usual since I was so sick last year.  So a few days before my birthday, of course my cell service got disconnected from lack of payment.  Well, I could still use the phone and google voice, Facebook and Wifi to keep in touch and social network even without service.  I was coping.

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Then my phone shut off on Monday afternoon and I lost even that creature comfort.  It’s like I just keep getting kicked because now, not only do I have to pay for the delinquent phone service, I now, also have to purchase a new T-Mobile / Metro PCS compatible phone and then send the old one away to ZTE to repair or just send it away and wait for it to come back.  Turn-a-round time isn’t usually too long, although it often costs about $20 to send it via Fedex.  The carrier’s insurance was a viable option back in the day and I gladly paid for it, but over time the benefits have decreased while the associated fees and charges have increased.

Last Saturday Rachel, Haplo, Kethry and I went to Incredible John’s Pizza in Roseville for Kethry.  It’s a better fit for kids then Dave & Buster’s although it still costs the same when you factor in the cost of the buffet.  Sadly, the Buffet is at the bottom of buffets and the pizza pales in comparison to say, Round Table and their buffet.  When you factor in all of the insanity that comes with crowds and it can make you stop, slap your hands to your face ala McCauley Culkin in Home Alone and scream from the rudeness of people just cutting in front of you or worse you just lose it and let out a scream reminiscent of Edward Munch’s famous painting, The Scream, when you see someone stick their dirty, disease ridden fingers in something to take a taste.

Man at bridge holding head with hands and screaming 

Sometimes, all you need are friends and family to make everything seem better.