My father died when I was 14, just as we were really beginning to form a relationship and not long after my mother was introduced to a guy named Bill.  When I first met him, I was standoffish at first and only gave my blessing for him to marry my mother to keep from being the only hold out.  It wasn’t until I returned home after having been gone for a few years as an adult that I realized how much he had effected my life and how much of who I am I comes from observing him.  You see, he took me aside one dayright before my parents got married and told me a secret that he had only previously shared with my mother and his family.  I was in an elite club, none of my siblings knew nor do I think they know to this day.  Remembering that as Bill embraced me and told me how good it was to see me that triggered that memory.  Hearing his voice catch in his throat as he told me he loved me made me realize that he was my Dad.   I wrongly assumed at that moment that I would have unfettered access to him for the rest of my life.   In my head I invisioned drinking a beer with him and talking about my kids but that wasn’t in the cards.  My parents divorced in 2000 and my Dad ceased all communications shortly after.

I lost touch with my Paternal family at 14 and my mother and grand mother stopped talking to my uncle at about the same time.  So my Dad’s family became our family and they were always looking for a reason to get together and celebrate.  Everything I think abd believe about holidays comes from what the McMorrow clan taught me by showing me.  I have since reconnected with my Dad’s sister Sandy and it is my hope that she might read this and somehow figure out how to read what is below to my Dad, on father’s day because I never got to tell him myself and I am not sure he really knows…  Without further ado…

Dear Dad,

Tomorrow is Father[s day and I turned 42 this year and I realized that it has been more then a decade since I last talked to you.  I realize that I was not the best son that a father could have Dad, and for that I apologize but I also want you to realize that I know I am a better person because of you.  You see Dad, you taught me so much with how you treated people, especially family and that was instilled deep in who I am.  You earned my respect Dad and because of that, I spent most of my life making sure I would never be in a situation where I would let you down,  You might say that I learned from your mistakes, the ones you shared with me Dad.  I never wanted to be on the otherside of a barrier looking at you while apologizing only to see disappointment in the eyes of my parents.

Dad, I understand why you told me to never contact you again, and I haven’t.   You see Dad, I just want to let you know how I turned out because of you.  I so want to tell you about my life, my family and to share them with you.

Haplo, my son, just turned 8 and he is amazing.  He reads on a 9th to 10th grade level.  He is very in to robots, knights, warriors and battle.  We introduced him early to Role Playing Games on the computer because they require reading and cognitive thought to play and he has mastered games that are well outside of his age group.  He is amazingly observant when it comes to flora and fauna.  He can and often spots insects and animals before everyone else does.

My daughter Kethry shares the same birthday with me.  I got her for my birthday 5 years ago and it has been an amazing adventure ever since.  She likes to think of herself as a fairy princess yet at the Ren Faire she asked for a sword instead of Fairy Wings.  She is very much a Daddy’s Girl. 

I dreamed of meeting you in a bar somewhere and sitting down with you to have a beer and pulling out my phone and showing you all of the pictures of theirs that I have on it.  Telling you the stories behind the pictures, teaching you about each one of them and then making plans for you to meet them and your family.  It’s a dream because I live about 3000 miles away and right now cannot imagine being able to afford tickets.  Even if I could, I am terrified of being on a plane with two kids for 7 hours.

I guess I really just lung for the ability to call you up out of the blue when my son does something that exasperates me and say “Hey Dad, you’ll never guess what your grandson did this time….” and we can banter about it,  I can ask you how you are doing and we can just discuss whatever happens to come up.  You see Dad, I am 42 and while I do not know everything, I do how important you were and are to me.