I often joke with my friends about dancing naked in the moonlight on the eve of the Equinoxes because the idea of dancing naked around a bonfire while humorous also seems rather fun. As has been tradition we went to the grandparents house for Easter Sunday and in the years past it was a family affair with lots of relatives. This year it was a much smaller gathering.

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My mood the entire time was driven by the reality that like the spring rains that change was heading for me with a torrential deluge that had the potential to drown me. Even though I knew the storm was coming and that I am trying to accept it, change–especially the unpleasant kind, is difficult to accept.

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My world was returned to me from the one whom I had finally chosen to give it to. I am not really sure how this makes me feel. I am just glad that I have the amazing group of real life and Facebook friends who are here to love and support me through this. It is an end to the largest volume of my life so far and I sort of feel like I did the summer before I turned 18. Afraid. Vulnerable. Thankfully not alone. I just hope the pain is only temporary. Sadly, I have not wanted to talk to my mother more in my life or missed her absence more…..

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