So spiders give me the chills, literally even daddy long legs.  I have learned to suppress it with a warped fascination with spiders.  The problem is by ignoring them they take over and bolder competition moves in.  This is the second one of these jumping spiders I have seen in my house.

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The first time I saw him he was like 5 feet away from me in the garage hanging out.  These are called Jumping Spiders for a reasons.  Yes it is breed profiling and it works.  They can fracking jump.  Fast.  And Far. And I almost shit my pants.  Note:  Don’t poke them with a hemp twig.  Even a three foot one because it didn’t hesitate.

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Now he I have seen him surveying my desk and I am a bit weirded out by this thing.  It’s huge.  No, seriously.  Don’t believe me?  Look at this:

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It’s furry and dusty and just, oh frack it gives me the willies.  It’s furry, what the hell was nature thinking trying to make it all fuzzy and cute.  Cute my ass, it can jump three feet.

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Ok, does that help with size?  Notice the alien green mandibles?  Look at those fracking eyes.  Rule the world this thing could.  Still not convinced?

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Oh yeah, that really gives me the fracking willies.  That is some creepy stuff.  It’s beautiful isn’t it?

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